On Dick Cheney’s IM Conversation With An Oil-Rich Rogue State June 26, 2008

ShakySheik_77: Hi ther!
ShotgunDick128: Oh, hai! Age/size of oilfields/likes?
ShakySheik_77: 52. 600 million barrels, Xtina
ShotgunDick128: Kewl. System of government?
ShakySheik_77: Erratic, sometimes despotic, deeply religious when it suits us.
ShotgunDick128: Wow. That sounds hot.
ShakySheik_77: Thnx! My corrupt, extended family think so.
ShotgunDick128: So…whatcha wearing?
ShakySheik_77: Robes.
ShotgunDick128: Anything underneath?
ShakySheik_77: Contracts for arms suppliers, oil refineries.
ShotgunDick128: How big are they?
ShakySheik_77: They’re pretty big for my country’s age.
ShotgunDick128: mmmmmmm
ShakySheik_77: What you got there for me, big boy?
ShotgunDick128: Enormous armed forces, and a taste for oil.
ShakySheik_77: Wow. That sounds hot!
ShotgunDick128: So – you been invaded yet? Did you like it?
ShakySheik_77: Just once, years ago by some Brits. It was ok.
ShotgunDick128: Did it hurt?
ShakySheik_77: Just some of my people. No big deal.
ShotgunDick128: I’ve got a big deal here.
ShakySheik_77: Oh yeah? I like ’em big. How big is it?
ShotgunDick128: About 300 billion, uncut.
ShakySheik_77: Nice size. I prefer cut, though.
ShotgunDick128: Oh, you’ll get a real cut, believe me!
ShakySheik_77: LOL – I like the sound of that! Is it hard?
ShotgunDick128: No – me and some friends get together in secret…
ShakySheik_77: mmmmm
ShotgunDick128: We sell you billions in outdated weaponry…
ShakySheik_77: oh yes!
ShotgunDick128: Then my friends get together again, in secret..
ShakySheik_77: Hot!
ShotgunDick128: and make up some bullshit reason for invading you
ShakySheik_77: mmm – I’d love to be invaded for a whole weekend
ShotgunDick128: then roll over?
ShakySheik_77: Oh yes. Easily. I’d love you to rape my fields.
ShotgunDick128: mmmm
ShakySheik_77: Squeeze my barrels dry, drill me silly
ShotgunDick128: I’d love that!
ShakySheik_77: Pump me senseless, too. All day and night.
ShotgunDick128: I’m so up for that xoxoxoxox
ShakySheik_77: I’ve got a problem, though.
ShotgunDick128: Oh yeah? What’s that?
ShakySheik_77: My dad says we’re geopolitically unstable.
ShotgunDick128: What does he know?
ShakySheik_77: I KNOW!!!!1!!!
ShotgunDick128: Your country is old enough to make it’s own decisions.
ShakySheik_77: That’s what I keep saying to him. He’s such a dork.
ShotgunDick128: So, do you wanna meet sometime? Get a drink?
ShakySheik_77: I don’t drink. Have you got any hookers and cash?
ShotgunDick128: Got loads of them here. You got a Lear?
ShakySheik_77: Four of them.
ShotgunDick128: Kewl! Look, when we get together?
ShakySheik_77: Yes?
ShotgunDick128: Can I call you names – is that ok?
ShakySheik_77: Sure – I love kinky! Whatcha wanna call me?
ShotgunDick128: Is “part of the axis of evil” ok?
ShakySheik_77: mmmm – I like that. Makes me feel dirty.
ShotgunDick128: Me too! Love it!!!!
ShakySheik_77: Great! So, when you wanna hook up?
ShotgunDick128: How about September sometime? That ok?
ShakySheik_77: September sounds fine to me. Can I bring my family?
ShotgunDick128: Sure! I’ll bring some friends too!
ShakySheik_77: Do you like phone? Can I call you later?
ShotgunDick128: No probs. But don’t ask for Rummy. He’s out.
ShakySheik_77: Ok! Gotta go just now – beheadings, oppression stuff…
ShotgunDick128: I know! It never ends LOL – see you later xoxoxoxoxox
ShakySheik_77: Love you! xxx Bye
ShotgunDick128: Love you too x Bye