On Sex During College During A Show About Seals April 29, 2008

I had multiple sex partners in college but not all at one time, well maybe two of us at once – you know, me and a girl, and sometimes another girl drunk and passed out on a sofa oblivious to me trying to unhook her friend’s bra while being both drunk and stoned while some stranger made toast in the kitchen. One time we actually did it behind the sofa and she went on top and I was so jealous because she could watch the TV in the opposite corner of the room like whenever she wanted to, and I had to completely rely on the audio to know what was happening and it turned out not so much as it was late and it was a political show about fishing rights in Norway and how it affected seal colonies or some shit and all the while I’m listening to this she’s completely grinding away on top of me and she starts whispering to me not dirty talk but about how cute the seals I couldn’t see were, and I’m lying there obviously enjoying myself watching both her breasts bounce up and down but all the time I’m thinking “just how cute are these seals?” and if I could think of any dirty-sex-talk in Norwegian so that maybe I could distract her from the seals or that maybe Norwegian-sex-talk would turn her on more than seal-shots because I was now getting physically uncomfortable because I was sure I was lying on the remote and my foot was stuck under the CD player and CD players cost a lot back in those days.

On My Forthcoming Birthday April 25, 2008

It’s my birthday in August and I want a bike with handlebars and wheels and a bell that rings when I want it to, not when it feels like it like my last bike which would ring incessantly whenever I cycled over a high-voltage cable or pram.