Hello! (and goodbye) December 17, 2008

Hey, you sexy kittens!

If you’re wondering where all the VirusWithShoes action is, well I’m writing over at Wordsmoker.

I probably won’t be back here again, as I’m pretty disappointed in Gawker, and rarely posting there, if at all – ergo, there won’t be many things to re-cap here. Shame, ain’t it?

Anyway for those who did – thanks for reading my crap here. But – it’s more an au revoir, rather than a goodbye – join me at Wordsmoker, why don’t you? The party’s just beginning.

Thanks

VirusWithShoes

On The Changes In Terms After Somali Pirates Speak To The Daughter Of A BBC Reporter December 1, 2008

Negotiator: Hello?
Pirates: Oh hai! (giggles) Is that the negotiator dude?
Negotiator: Yes. Thanks for getting in touch.
Pirates: Look, dude. We’ve got more demands we need and stuff.
Negotiator: Really? More than the $100 million?
Pirates: Like, totally. We’ve got like, fresh ideas?
Negotiator: What are they?
Pirates: Like – dude. We’re on a ship here, and there’s like no Wii or anything.
Negotiator: So – you want a Nintendo Wii as well as $100 million?
Pirates: Duh! Completely obvs, dude. And we want some entertainments and stuff.
Negotiator: Like what?
Pirates: Dude – 3 copies of High School Musical on Blu-Ray for starts, you know?
Negotiator: Okay….
Pirates: 12 sparkly cowboy hats, they’re totes cool.
Negotiator: Cowboy hats, sparkly. Ok.
Pirates: And Zac Efron.
Negotiator: What’s a Zac Efron?
Pirates: Like, DUH! He’s completely cute and hung and shit. The actor, man.
Negotiator: Ok. Zac Efron.
Pirates: Like, deliver him to us. In a little boat. A sparkly boat.
Negotiator: Sparkly boat.
Pirates: Like, make it easy – he’s gotta bring us the sparkly hats. In a box. With a ribbon.
Negotiator: Ribbon.
Pirates: Also – listen. Like, posters of horses and unicorns. In mist. Running.
Negotiator: Horses. Unicorns. Mist. Okay.
Pirates: (giggles from background) He’s doing it. Shhhhh!
Negotiator: Anything else?
Pirates: We want the puppies. The Puppy Cam puppies.
Negotiator: Puppies. Cam. Okay.
Pirates: And like, they’ve got to be the actual puppies. And the toys too.
Negotiator: Okay. Toys.
Pirates: (shouts from background) Johnny Depp!! Get Johnny Depp!!!
Negotiator: “The” Johnny Depp?
Pirates: Dude. He’s like, a pirate. For reals. Like us.
Negotiator: Okay. I’ll ask.
Pirates: (whispers) Andrea, get off me. He said he’d try for Johnny.
Negotiator: Anything else?
Pirates: Pizza.
Negotiator: What kind?
Pirates: Just cheese and tomato. And diet cokes. We’re like, on a diet and stuff?
Negotiator: Okay.
Pirates: That’s it. Like, for now.
Negotiator: Okay. So that’s – a Nintendo Wii, 3 High School Musicals, 12 sparkly cowboy hats, Zac Efron in a sparkly boat with the hats, posters of horses and unicorns, puppy cam puppies, Johnny Depp if available, pizzas and diet cokes and $100 million in cash.
Pirates: Cool! Laterz!!!! Piratez out!!!