I heard that the name “Barack” is Spanish for “octopus” and that Obama’s mother named him that because he has suckers all over his body that allows him to crawl up buildings so that he can look through the windows and hiss at pot-plants. It’s also widely-known that he was born during a full moon and has a birthmark shaped like an owl on his stomach because his father ate too much fruit the night before conception thinking that over-consumption of naturally sourced vitamins would ensure his child would grow up vertically, as opposed to his daughter who lives at an acute angle even in high winds.
If you count the number of fingers on Octopus Obama’s right hand and multiply it by the number of moons around Jupiter your phone rings ten minutes later.
VirusWithShoes: Redux 