Hey, you sexy kittens!
If you’re wondering where all the VirusWithShoes action is, well I’m writing over at Wordsmoker.
I probably won’t be back here again, as I’m pretty disappointed in Gawker, and rarely posting there, if at all – ergo, there won’t be many things to re-cap here. Shame, ain’t it?
Anyway for those who did – [...]
Archive for the 'Gawker' Category
Hello! (and goodbye)
December 17, 2008
On The Changes In Terms After Somali Pirates Speak To The Daughter Of A BBC Reporter
December 1, 2008
Negotiator: Hello?
Pirates: Oh hai! (giggles) Is that the negotiator dude?
Negotiator: Yes. Thanks for getting in touch.
Pirates: Look, dude. We’ve got more demands we need and stuff.
Negotiator: Really? More than the $100 million?
Pirates: Like, totally. We’ve got like, fresh ideas?
Negotiator: What are they?
Pirates: Like – dude. We’re on a ship here, and there’s like no Wii [...]
On Being A Secret Lesbian
July 24, 2008
I’m a secret lesbian. I also hoard tinned soup and broken lightbulbs.
(I am accused of being an obsessive-compulsive secret lesbian)
There is nothing obsessive with noting man’s need for soup while in midst of such geopolitical uncertainty.
And I draw faces on the bulbs. The faces are the faces of those without worry, who have passed to [...]
On The Proposed Russian Version Of “The Office”
July 24, 2008
“Welcome to Office. We sell paper. Paper from trees, yes? We have several people in office helping sell paper from trees. Some of them are the women. Some of them are not women. All of us are equal here. Except Boss. Boss is equal but greater. Boss has outdated facial hair. We have lights that [...]
On Love And Breaking-Up
July 24, 2008
Love is strange. One minute you’re hyperventilating because the person you-really-can’t-believe-you’ve-finally-met-and-fallen-for-and-somehow-they-love-you-too has paused for a millisecond over whether or not they like your totally-fave Radiohead track – next thing you know you’re firing cutlery at them through an open window and grinding their lawn ornaments into powder so you can package the powder and mail [...]
On Really Smart Animals
June 28, 2008
I had a hamster who worked on The Manhattan Project.
He ended up flushing himself due to the guilt.
On The Voicemail From The Worst Pickup-Artist Ever
June 28, 2008
(original transcription of his call, courtesy of Jezebel, for reference)
Hi Julia? It’s Paul calling again, the guy across the street in the bushes? I called you 2 years ago. I don’t like leaving second messages, but you’ve very elegant and have a long neck like a giraffe you see in the zoo and very attractive [...]
On Dick Cheney’s IM Conversation With An Oil-Rich Rogue State
June 26, 2008
ShakySheik_77: Hi ther!
ShotgunDick128: Oh, hai! Age/size of oilfields/likes?
ShakySheik_77: 52. 600 million barrels, Xtina
ShotgunDick128: Kewl. System of government?
ShakySheik_77: Erratic, sometimes despotic, deeply religious when it suits us.
ShotgunDick128: Wow. That sounds hot.
ShakySheik_77: Thnx! My corrupt, extended family think so.
ShotgunDick128: So…whatcha wearing?
ShakySheik_77: Robes.
ShotgunDick128: Anything underneath?
ShakySheik_77: Contracts for arms suppliers, oil refineries.
ShotgunDick128: How big are they?
ShakySheik_77: They’re pretty big [...]
On Obtaining Actual News From Newsmedia
June 23, 2008
Looking for actual news from newsmedia these days is akin to looking for allegories in toothpaste.
I have no idea what I mean by that. But it won’t stop me obtaining my geopolitical analysis from the grease stains on fast-food wrappers.
On What Michelle Obama Could Get Up To In The Whitehouse
June 20, 2008
I heard that she’s going to open a salon for WOMEN ONLY in the West Wing and they’re going to wash hair and do nails in gaudy colours only fit for trailer parks and Applebees and that they’re going to dry the hair WITH THE FLAG that John McCain fought and died for back in [...]
